The other day I was
lead climbing at the Quarry. I had gotten about 20 feet up the wall when I
realized that the next hold was too far to reach. I would have to make a little
leap for it. Something about that idea scared me speechless. I had my belayer take
up the slack so I could sit and look at the wall for a moment. My heart was
pounding. My psyche was screaming at me not to proceed. I knew that if I were
to take this leap and miss that hold, I would end up falling about 10 feet.
I love rock
climbing. I've tried to go as often as possible since returning home from my
mission. However, lead climbing still terrifies me. When you lead climb, the
rope that holds you is not connected to the top of the climb. Instead, you
carry the rope underneath you and clip into anchors as you ascend. This means
that if you fall, you will most likely fall around 10-15 feet, sometimes more
depending on how far apart your clips are. I was used to the sensation of
falling before my mission, but now it scares me.
The fear has managed
to erase the thrill I used to experience from lead climbing.
I finally said a
little prayer to God to help me complete that move. I did a little jump for
that hold and stuck it. My adrenaline exploded. That was terrifying. My whole
body was shaking. Nerves destroy you when you're trying to lead climb. It
requires balance and incredibly smooth movements to keep you from falling.
Shaking makes it much more difficult to let go of the wall and clip in your
rope. Your own body's defense mechanisms put you in the danger of falling.
I had to calm myself
down to keep from falling. One phrase repeated in my mind as I struggled up
that wall, "It's okay if you fall. It's okay if you fall. It's okay if you
fall."
It's okay if you
fall.
I had an epiphany
last night as I was taking an evening stroll with my best friend. I have come
to some very important cross roads in my life. The decisions that have reached
my doorstep terrify me. I realized that I respond to tough real life situations
the same way I that I respond to hard climbing moves. When there is a level of
uncertainty in my life -- if I am not absolutely certain that my next choice
will not lead to disaster or hurt or regret -- then I freeze. I don't want to
proceed. My defense mechanism kicks in and I want to run from the choice
entirely. Sometimes I'm scared of taking leaps of faith.
I love climbing easy
routes because I know, without a doubt, that I can stick the next hold, and
that I'm not going to fall. But those don’t help me grow. I don't become a
better climber. I don't get stronger either because I'm not pushing myself.
It's tempting to take the easy route in life. Taking risks is terrifying. You
don’t want to fall. You don't want to fail. You don't want to get hurt. But if
we never take risks, if we always avoid those hard decisions, we will not grow.
Fear is a tool the adversary uses to keep us from our full potential. When we
are blinded by fear in the face of important decision-making we are in danger
of falling. The only way we are going to grow is if we push ourselves to new
heights, take risks, and take those leaps of faith.
The answer is hope.
What helps me get to the top of a difficult climb is the knowledge that I have
the capacity to finish it. Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of my potential
when I have to struggle past a difficult move. But I have the voice of my belayer
who always tells me that I can make it, and he pushes me to keep moving. And I
love him for it. And even if I make a poor choice, even if I take that risk and
end up falling, I know that my belayer will catch me. Because I trust him
completely.
Our Savior Jesus
Christ knows our potential. He knows that we can become just like Him. He knows
we have the potential to succeed gloriously in this life. We can finish this
climb. He will catch us if we fall. He instills hope in our souls by teaching
us who we are and who we have the potential to become. He asks us to trust Him.
We cannot continue ascending without taking leaps of faith. Those leaps of
faith increase our trust and refine our character. They help us conquer fear.
2 Timothy 1:7 reads,
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love,
and of a sound mind."
As we rely on our
Savior Jesus Christ we will succeed in this life. We are safe as long as we put
our life into His hands. He will catch us if we fall. He will encourage us to
keep moving. He will help us through the storms and rough patches of life. He will
fill our hearts with courage to keep moving forward in the face of uncertainty.
It's okay if we
fall. Because Christ will lift us up.
